After a medical appointment
It starts before
I pass the base gates
Tears
Falling silently
I try to take a deep breath
but can't
I turn on the radio
my mind spinning
reflecting
digesting
processing
searching for an escape
I turn up the volume
trying to deafen
my thoughts
trying to mute
my worry
I keep adjusting the dial
maybe just a little louder
I keep changing the station
maybe just a different song
But alas
the knob no longer turns
Ironically
despite the shattering speakers
the van feels silent
except for my thoughts
which pierce me
and so I surrender
defeated by weakness
bruised by burden
my tears turn into sobs
my body visibly shaking
and I drive home
I turn onto our street
lower the radio to an acceptable volume
I dry my eyes
put a smile on my face
"Mommy's home!"
I gleefully shout
